Friday, December 31, 2010

New Years Resolution - Top 10 Things I Will Never Wear

All going well, so long as I retain my mental facilities, I uphold as far as possible not to willingly wear any of the following items during 2011 and hopefully for some time after. In no particular order:


1. Anything Beige. No beige or chocolate brown suits, shirts, undies, ties or hats. OK, sometimes when adhering to wardrobe requirements, I am required to don the camel chinos (can you believe it?? Chinos!!). But fashionable as beige might be...it's not for me. On that note, brown curtains, brown lounge suites and brown cushions are also off-limits.

2. Lycra Shorts. Perhaps in my previous cycling youth I did indulge in the comfort these afforded on longer city treks, but no more when heading for the wrong side of 40. If you enjoy the figure of a moderate athlete and undertake running, jumping and skipping on a regular basis, then go for it. That's legitimate.


3. Cutting Edge Fashion. At one point, I was once described as the Yves Saint Laurent of the production department at Channel Nine in Sydney, but that was way back in the 80's, and we all know what fashion was like back then. Today, I doubt if I could pull-off a look like this, waltzing down Norton Street Leichhardt, without scoring a Pizza in my face or a Tiramasu lobbed at my back. Perhaps these guys could.


4. Footy Jersey. Yes I do have pride in my nation's sporting achievements in whatever code, but wearing one of these just looks ridiculous on me. And please, don't ever wear one at christenings, weddings or regular Sunday church services. If co-ordinated, you might be able to get away with it at a funeral if the rest of the team is honouring a one-eyed fan. But certainly fly the colours at any sporting event where the Aussie's are sure to prevail.



5. Eye-Patch. Stephen Nichols played Steve Johnson for 5 years wearing that patch on Days of our Lives, but the accessory never made mainstream....except for pirates, for whom it has never gone out of fashion. Far from being typecast, Stephen is still going strong, doing plenty of Films, TV and Theatre...but without the patch. Same for me.



6.  A John Deere hat. I've seen some cool dudes and chicks wear this hat, but if I were to don one, the response would be, "What's with that?!!??" Of course, sometimes when it comes to sponsored events and roles, I have no choice, but so far the farming industry has given me a wide berth.


7. Snuggie. Admit it. We all want one. But other members of the family unit forbid me from going online to make the purchase. Instead, I just wear my dressing gown backwards around the house and when visiting the neighbours outside of the hours 8am - 8pm.


8. Thai Red Bull tank. I saw someone wearing one of these at the petrol station yesterday, which is what motivated this blog entry. I can only imagine that you get one free when you purchase a certain number of these drinks in Thailand. That can be the only reason why so many Aussies return with these in the their luggage. 


9. Bluetooth headset when not on the phone. Some can legitimately wear these when not on the phone: Professional drivers? Yes! Couriers? Yes! Emergency personnel? Definitely! Stockbrokers? um..maybe...but only so we know who to avoid. But take the fandangled thing out of your ear when not on the phone. If you are wearing one while I'm talking to you, I know that I can be interrupted at a moments notice by a call that is obviously so much more important to you than I am. 


10. Shoes with toes in them. I take my John Deere hat off to the product developer that thought of this one. And to the marketing people who convinced consumers to buy them. I've seen them in the street. Bravo. But not for me.


Happy New Year everyone.